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christianteendating.com

the "how to" ministry on love, life, and purity

Christian Dating Tips: Am I Relationship Material?

November 23, 2015      Nina Daugherty      Leave a Comment

Christian Dating Tips Am I Relationship Material #christianteens #christianteendating #christianrelationships #christianteenblogs #christianyoutuber

Updated: January 10, 2018 

Christian Dating Tips: Am I Relationship Material?

Am I relationship material? Sometimes getting into a relationship can be easy but the decision of whether or not you should can be is a tricky one. For those of you that don’t know, I have a teenage daughter and there are certain signs I wanted to see in my daughter before she would be allowed to date.

One of these signs was for her to be emotionally stable (stable meaning healthy, strong, bearing fruit from the Holy Spirit).

If you happen to be wondering if she is emotionally stable, yes she is. I just knew this had to be requirement before I would allow her to affect someone else’s life especially during the teenage years because that’s an age where foundations are built.

Well, what does this look like? We will get into that in a moment but for now I want you to ask yourself this question, “Am I emotionally stable for a relationship?” Some of you may already know the answer, some of you might not, and some of you may not even care but I want you to really take this time to step outside of yourself and take a look within.

It’s important to know because you are affecting someone else’s life when you choose to date.

It’s an investment and an exchange between two people. The question is, what are we exchanging and is it healthy? (Okay so maybe there are going to be more than 5 questions to ask yourself..way more..loll!) As followers of Christ, we want people to experience life with us as a way to bring them closer to God and not pull them farther away from Him or question His existence altogether!

When I say, “emotionally” I want you to understand that emotions aren’t the problem.

We are emotional creatures. God gave us emotions as part of our nature that in turn resembles His nature (Gen. 1:27, Gen. 5:1). However, not being in control of our emotions can be destructive.

Like a tornado, uncontrolled emotions can create a path of destruction that can either ultimately destroy relationships with those around us and take years to rebuild.

If my daughter weren’t emotionally stable, I would not allow her to date. The reason being this, I would not want to put on somebody the responsibility of her emotional health because they could not fulfill her need. Only Christ can do that. I’m not saying that they shouldn’t try to make her happy because that’s not their “responsibility”. What I’m saying is, if she is internally emotionally bleeding its not in their expertise to fix it. Again, only Christ can do that.

This leads to my next question, “Have you accepted Christ into your life?” If the answer is yes, then you need to release the excuse/reason of, “Well this is just the way I am…”. When we accept Christ, we are a NEW creation (2 Cor. 5:17, Eze. 36:26). This means we are called to start again. We need to start thinking and acting differently.

Even in the area of mental illness (however that may affect you, emotional trauma, PTSD, anxiety attacks, etc.), it is in the power and authority the Lord Jesus Christ gave us, to seek out help, find ways to start winning in that area of our life, and be reminded that God makes all things new even the scars in our mind that people don’t see (2 Peter 1:3, Philip. 2:12-13).

If you haven’t accepted Christ, what’s holding you back? I recommend bringing those questions/reasons with a respectful heart before the Lord and ask for Him to help you and bring people around you who can help answer those questions.

So, how do you know if you’re emotionally stable? What should you look for not just in your life but also in the life of someone you may be interested in? Here are 5 Question Areas to reflect on:

Christian Dating Tips: Am I Relationship Material? Questions to Ask

1) Identity–

Are you Christ-centered? Are they Christ-centered? You may get tired of me bringing up Christ but the reality of my job is to turn your eyes to Him. The reason being, He is God, He loves you, He is where all blessings flow, gives you the strength, sight and discernment (being able to tell judge well or obtain sharp perceptions as per google), and when everything fails, relationships, dreams, He will ALWAYS be your constant.

He is the Rock under your feet from which you can stand when you get knocked down. Hallelujah! (Sorry I get Holy Spirit excited sometimes…okay a lot of times…lollol)

He can handle all your emotion because He is God not someone else. We as humans are unable to be someone’s God. We will always fail. We also have to remember that He is concerned about the other person’s emotional health as well so if we aren’t being good stewards of other people, He will take them out of your life.

2) Independence–

Are you able to think for yourself? Are you firm with your convictions (meaning those things that are really important in your life…like God?) Do you have your own opinion and are not afraid to voice it (with gentleness and respect of course)? Do you have activities YOU like to do? Are you okay with just being by yourself?

These are important questions because when you are constantly swayed by people’s opinions then it could put you in a dangerous situation. For instance, like keep you in an abusive relationship including sexual, emotional, and physical.

Learn who YOU are first before getting involved in a relationship and how to be on your own. Remember, it doesn’t matter who you are with because you will still be there so if you are in relationship after relationship wondering why things aren’t working out, it may be something YOU need to work on.

There is a great freedom in being able to walk this world as a single person in peace where God has you.

3) Fruit–

What kind of fruit are you producing? “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…” (Gal. 5:22-23). These are all healthy traits of someone who is emotionally stable. Do you have a warm and inviting spirit or do people tend to run in the opposite direction when you’re around?

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with a little spice (my husband calls me Puerto-Rican Spice for a reason) but it should only enhance these other traits and not take away. With everything there must be balance only found in walking with Christ.

Look for the fruit in your own character or ask someone to be your mirror and help you adjust where you need to (you do NOT need a boyfriend or girlfriend for this…try a trusted friend, family member, mentor, Pastor, you get the point).

Take a look around at your life but don’t get discouraged, get motivated to start doing better. It can be done!

4) Standards–

Do you have a standard or do you just say “yes” to WHOEVER will show you attention?

The purpose of a relationship isn’t to make YOU the center of the universe.

I suffered from this and I ended up just using people for my own needs. A relationship consists of two people who look to each other to fulfill an intimate yearning placed there by our Creator (Gen. 2:18). It’s to tangibly feel on this earth what our Creator feels for us and in this process we are made better individually (if it is healthy and you honor this relationship according to God’s decrees…see Psalm 119:9). However, with someone who is emotionally unstable, a relationship tends to become a numbing device, band-aid for a gaping wound, comfort blanket, you name it.

Heal yourself first and ask God for direction when you want to take the next step.

5) Add on–

Is there anything else you can add to this list? Are there other traits or milestones you feel you need to reach in order to become emotionally stable? Do you feel you are emotionally stable and find this as affirmation as to maybe taking the next step with someone?

This list isn’t the end all list of questions for this topic.

Spend time with God and ask Him if there is anything HE would like to add on! Pay attention to anything pops up even if it doesn’t make sense at first. He will lead you in the right direction.

Now if reading this article, you find yourself falling under the emotionally unstable category this doesn’t mean you are going to be single forever or there is no hope for you (with Jesus there is ALWAYS hope…praise God for that). It just means you may need to take some time to sit with your Creator and allow Him to speak into those places that are broken, sad, depressed, maybe suicidal, scared, anxious, or whatever “the hurt” looks like to you.

It’s worth your future to pause life in relationships and work on you while still keeping your eyes on Him.

I pray you will find healing and restoration in all the areas needed. I pray you realize we are not perfect and perfection isn’t a prerequisite for entering any relationship but we all should be aware of those areas that can be destructive and tend to the most needed areas first. I pray you will hear God in every step and be sensitive to the time when you are given the okay to move forward. I pray all of this in the Mighty Name of Jesus Christ, amen!

Baskets of Blessings!

Nina Daugherty

 

Nina Daugherty

Jesus, family, ministry, and lots of coffee! My heart comes from being a young teen girl who didn’t know much and found Jesus in a dark time. My ministry focuses on the heart of God for this generation to make Godly decisions especially in the area of purity. A blog for all ages because God’s Word is eternal and has no age limit!

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Nina Daugherty

Jesus, family, ministry, and lots of coffee! My heart comes from being a young teen girl who didn't know much and found Jesus in a dark time. My ministry focuses on the heart of God for this generation to make Godly decisions especially in the area of purity. A blog for all ages because God's Word is eternal and has no age limit! Read my testimony...

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Jesus, family, ministry, and lots of coffee! My heart comes from being a young teen girl who didn't know much and found Jesus in a dark time. My ministry focuses on the heart of God for this generation to make Godly decisions especially in the area of purity. A blog for all ages because God's Word is eternal and has no age limit! Read my testimony here...

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Copyright © 2017 Nina Daugherty, www.christianteendating.com. All rights reserved worldwide. No part of this material presented may be reproduced or used in any type of manner whatsoever without the prior consent and written notice from the author, except what is agreed upon with full credit given to Nina Daugherty and website, complete with link back to this site. The author, affiliated guest authors, and publishers shall have no liability or responsibility to any entity or person. We hereby disclaim all liability including without limitation liability for any consequential damages regarding any claim of loss or damage that may have been incurred, including allegedly, either indirectly or directly, originating from any of the information provided in emails, ebooks, blogposts, books, or any form of intellectual property.

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Happy Sunday! I pray we lift our voices to the hea Happy Sunday! I pray we lift our voices to the heavens and as we speak we will be reminded of Who God is, I pray every word will be a salve to our spirit, mind, body, and soul. I pray we will take time in His presence to be refreshed, renewed, and an anointing will fall fresh from heaven like manna to our souls. He hears us church! 🙌🏽🤗❤️🙏🏽✝️

Which of these scriptures do you feel more drawn to today? WRITE in the COMMENTS below 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽and let us rejoice together! 

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How it started vs. How it’s going..if you asked How it started vs. How it’s going..if you asked the girl in the first pic that she would be the girl in the second pic, I never would’ve believed you. To be honest, there’s been a lot of tears, cries out to God, joy, and growth.

I love baptisms. I love hearing God’s testimony. I love hearing what God continues to do. The night I got baptized, a family member confronted me in the driveway of my house and started yelling at me, “Who do you think you are? What makes you think you can get baptized? You are a fornicator!” And I was. I was sleeping with my boyfriend at the time and I hadn’t fully grasped my salvation and the choice to walk my Christian life out according to His Word. However, I didn’t die that day. Well physically anyway and from that point on my life started to drastically change. He met me where I was but He did take my hand and said walk with me. Walk away from that life. Walk away from that identity. Walk away from that pain. And walk I did and walk I still do.

If you haven’t already, if you’re on the fence, go get baptized. He calls us to it.

We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. (Rom. 6:4)

#baptismsunday #biblejournalinglife #biblememes #bibleoflove #biblequote365 #biblereadingplan
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God confirms what has been spoken. Doubt hits us, God confirms what has been spoken. Doubt hits us, sometimes we want to run, sometimes we are scared, but God is so gracious, He will send Godly people, dreams, sermons, and scripture to confirm.

It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it. 
(Isa. 55:11)

He is still the God Who speaks. If He’s silent, what’s the last thing He said to you? So many times I’ve tried to run from my calling, so many times I went to God with my disqualifications, so many times I was discouraged to the point of tears, so many times and still so many times..what about you?

God thank you for reminding us. We fight. We forget. You stay. You remind.

COMMENT BELOW: What are you running from? How can we pray for you?

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Throwbackkk Thursday..I found this in my Study Bib Throwbackkk Thursday..I found this in my Study Bible..I look at the names and I think about everyone I’ve done ministry with..the beautiful people I’ve laughed, cried, helped minister with, and made memories!

The different names the Youth Ministry went through..the different teens I’ve encountered, some of who are married and have kids 🙈🙊

Positive: I’ve seen God work through the lives of those who were “troubled” teens.

Negative: I’ve seen the enemy work through the lives of the “perfect” Christian teen.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. (2 Timothy 4:7)

The moral of the story is, it doesn’t matter how you start but how you finish. Many have fallen away and many have grown greatly in the Lord. I know I want to finish well and I pray the Lord will never leave me to my own desires, what hell that would be. He has been too good to leave for anything the world tries to give. It will NEVER satisfy like HE can and does.

2nd Pic: What teens were most interested in for topics for small groups

COMMENT BELOW what has God done in your life? SHARE what you’ve gained from following Jesus Christ👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽 

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I am not ashamed. I am not scared. God has done to I am not ashamed. I am not scared. God has done too much. He has saved me from a lot. He is too real. His love is overwhelming, satisfying, full, and complete.

And blessed is the one who is not offended by me. (Matt. 11:6)

If the Gospel is offensive, it’s to remove that which is not of Him. I don’t want to be complacent Lord. I don’t want to lack what You can give. I want to be better. 

I want to spend my life pointing to You because You give what people can’t, You give what money can’t, You are what people are looking for and will not find anywhere else. Not in the bedroom. Not in a job. Not in a human. Not in a post. Not in their crush. Not anywhere but at Your feet, oh Lord!

COMMENT below how He has made your life better even in 2020 so we can REJOICE together! 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽🙌🏽💪🏽👍🏽

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Where we are now and where we started (I flipped i Where we are now and where we started (I flipped it 🤣) In my dating history, I did many things wrong, but God..I should be dead somewhere with all my reckless behavior, but God..I thought no one would want me being the mess I was, but God..when you put your life in the hands of God and choose His ways instead of yours, His plan is always better.

This is why I stay preaching.

This is why I advocate for purity.

Purity still matters.

It’s hard to know if the person is a healthy match for you when you are tied to them in a sexual way. It binds you to them. It’s the reason why she won’t leave that person or he won’t leave that person. The bondage is strong.

But God.

Through Christ, Who strengthens you, “I  can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philip. 4:13) 

You can choose better. Do better. Leave for the better. Better is always CHRIST and what HE has for you.

In what ways has God proven to be better in your life? COMMENT below so we can rejoice together! 🙌🏽✝️💪🏽❤️

Motorcycle Pic 📸: @imthejam 

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United States of Anxiety..I read this somewhere..I United States of Anxiety..I read this somewhere..I think it was a title of a book and I thought to myself how anxiety infects the mind. Panic attacks, depression, worry, anxiety, it all attacks the spirit, mind, and heart of a person. How can we fight back?

What does the Word of God say?

There are times when we are called to enter into battle with those things of the world that seek to steal, kill, and destroy but what happens when it starts to do it to ourselves?

Pause. Take a break. Rest warrior of God.

One way we can combat anxiety and anxious thoughts is to DWELL in the Word of God. Focus on this scripture today and press into the work of the Cross. 

Rest in His promises. There are many.

We can’t battle if we don’t have strength. We find strength in Him. Spend time with your King today and rest in His loving arms.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matt. 11:28-29)

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There’s been a lot of loss this year but I’ll There’s been a lot of loss this year but I’ll tell you what I’ve gained. Talking to Youth about Jesus Christ has been my passion and I’ve devoted the last 14 years of my life to it. This year I became the Youth Director at my home church of 15 years.

Be the person you needed when you were young.

I needed someone to believe in me. I needed someone to tell me about Jesus Christ. I needed someone to tell me I had options. Real ones. Like choosing life. I needed someone to look past the attitude and help me. I needed someone to listen. I needed someone to give me the space to talk in a safe and very real way. 

Can you be that for a teen in your life? Can we preach Jesus Christ like their life depends on it? Cuz it does and their eternity as well.

Great is the Lord! He is most worthy of praise! No one can measure his greatness. Let each generation tell its children of your mighty acts; let them proclaim your power.
(Psalm 145:3-4)

We have a Mighty God Who is still on the throne. I don’t apologize for my faith. I don’t apologize for my shout. I don’t apologize for my worship to the Lord because I still remember where He saved me from. I still remember when I was at my lowest, He bent low to whisper the words that gave me breath, “I want you.” 

I’m the most unlikely person to be “qualified” to do His work but when my Savior calls as difficult at times and as scary at times and as unknown at times, my answer is “Yes, Lord.” 

Yes, Lord.

How merciful You are.

How can I not give to others what You have given me?
 
Yes, Lord. I am Yours.

What have you said YES to even when it was challenging? Write your answer in the COMMENTS below and let’s praise God together👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽🙌🏽💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽

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What a relevant quote for today. There’s a lot h What a relevant quote for today. There’s a lot happening in the news and with my online ministry where I talk a lot about sexual purity, the questions often asked are, “Does God care about purity anymore?” “Isn’t this old-fashioned thinking?” “What does it matter?” Well let’s take a look at recent news with a famous Pastor..do you think it matters? To his wife? To his kids? To those witnesses? To the church?

Sin reverberates. 

Purity still matters.

It doesn’t stop when you’re married.

It’s not old-fashioned but God-fashioned.

Does it matter? Absolutely.

Stay in the Word of God. We are a forgetful people and we must be strengthened and reminded DAILY. 

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? (Jer. 17:9)

With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments! I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. (Psalm 119:10-11)

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Hi. I’m Nina. I’ve been a Christian Blogger si Hi. I’m Nina. I’ve been a Christian Blogger since 2012 and talk about sexual purity to teenagers. I became a Christian Youtuber in 2017 and now I’m a Youth Director at my church.

I love mugs like this one I got from @thedailygraceco ☕️☕️

I love autumn. I love being a Wife and Mom of 3 but most of all, I love Jesus Christ. I’m unapologetic about it because He saved me from an abusive relationship, from myself, and from more than I could ever know.

Welcome to my space. It’s a place where I bring truth and keep it real. Here’s to the rest of 2020 and how He will use us. For His glory! 🙌🏽✝️💪🏽❤️👍🏽

What has He done in your life that you’re grateful for? WRITE it in the COMMENTS below 👇🏽👇🏽😌🤗✝️

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