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christianteendating.com

the "how to" ministry on love, life, and purity

Guest Post: Candi’s Testimony Overcoming Masturbation & Low-Self Esteem

April 6, 2017      Nina Daugherty      Leave a Comment

Updated: January 6, 2018

 

Hello my beautiful people. I came across this Instagram page: Candi7777 https://www.instagram.com/candi7777 and I was gripped by her testimony so much so that I teamed up with her to share it with you. I know I have helped young women deal with these same issues and I know there are still others out there still struggling. Here’s another voice and testimony on how to overcome these issues.

It’s an honest portrayal of her journey. I pray it will be a blessing to you as it has been a blessing to read. Don’t forget to ‘LIKE and SHARE if you know someone else who can be blessed by it. Enjoy!

 

 

Candi’s Testimony Overcoming Masturbation & Low-Self Esteem

I have always struggled with self-acceptance and completely loving all of myself. My self-esteem in my younger years was low and as I transition into adulthood, it pretty much stayed there.

The home is where most people receive their validation and love (well at least this should be the place!) However, this was not the case for me. I was not raise in a traditional two-parent household. I did not have parental figures telling me I was beautiful. None of that was going on!

So naturally, my validation came from the world, I looked to see what others thought about me! From my peers and fellow classmates (by no means credible sources). Kids can be cruel and words do hurt. However, they were only speaking my own insecurities what I had already thought about myself. I was “too skinny”, “too dark”, and “ugly”. So, when the “perceptions” I thought of myself was confirmed by others around me, it just became my truth.

I was too skinny, too dark & ugly!

The reason my self-esteem was so low was because I was looking for someone else (outside of Christ) to validate me to tell me that I was beautiful. I struggled with no one liking me ENOUGH to be in a relationship with me. Because being in a relationship was the epitome of my “self-acceptance & self-worth.” Being in a relationship with someone meant I was accepted, loved and wanted by someone. A relationship is what I would always chase but always end up empty handed.

Due to the unhealthy perception I had of myself, I would find myself in so many uncompromising situations as it relates to my sexual integrity, which would in turn push my self-esteem down even more. All because I just wanted someone to like me!

Never going as far as having sex, but dang near close enough to not be wearing a promise ring (which I had by the way). As a Christian girl and now adult, this cycle continued. I knew God and the right things to do but my need for wanting to be liked overruled what God said or says about me. Yeah God told me I was beautiful, but that was not enough. As He God, He thinks everyone is beautiful. He made us and created us. He would never say we were nothing less. What I needed was a physical human being to tell me I was beautiful.

My life came crashing down at the age of 21 when insecurities got the best of me and I was raped. This catapulted into a spiral of one poor choice, after another poor choice. All in the name of wanting someone to like me. My self-esteem, however, reached the all-time lowest point when masturbation became my master. It ruled over me and I was its slave.

This sexual sin was something that had me stuck in a vicious cycle. So now not only didn’t men like me enough to be in a relationship, I did not like me. Now I am for sure God did not like me either. How could He, and why would He? I was a mess and disgusted with myself. Living in silence was also the worst part no one knew I was battling with this addiction alone. It was eating me up and tearing my self-esteem into micro-mini pieces.

It was not until I started to share my struggle with people I could trust that I start to work on putting an end to this addiction. Even then, I would still keep making the same mistakes to where I even lost a good friendship over my addictive habit. This addiction needed to end, but I knew I could not do it alone. It was not doing my self-esteem any good and I was starting to loss my identity. I did not know who I was anymore. Candi? “Who was she?” I was lost.

I was born and raised a Christian. I enjoyed church and my friends I had while at church. They accepted me and I never had to prove myself to them. I was actively involved in church as a child, a teenager, and young adult (I sang in the choir, I was a praise dancer, participated in church plays). Even now as an adult, I sing on the praise team. Church has always been a part of my life. With that said, even though church was a part of my life, I had not made God, the Lord over my life. I claimed to love Him but I did not really believe He could deliver me or love me the way He loved everyone else. I mean I did all the things (well at least all the things) a Christian should do. I obeyed my grandmother, listen to my teachers, got good grades, never cussed, and did what I was told. However, this struggle with masturbation created a separation between God and me. I did not know how to get close to Him to build a close relationship with Christ. God told me one time, “Candi you love me but you don’t know me. Each time I would mess up and fall into sexual immorality, I felt as if God did not accept me or approve me. I was reliving my school-age years all over again, now only with Jesus, and this was a tough pill to swallow. If Jesus did not like me then shoot, no one would ever like me. This discouraged my heart and left my self-esteem damaged.

It was not until about 2 years ago, I got serious about my walk with Christ. I was tired of going through the motions. I wanted a real relationship with the Lord. Most importantly, I just wanted to be healed and whole. I was willing to do whatever it took to be healed, I was desperate and I could not take the pain anymore. In that moment, I prayed and I ask God to help me in these areas of masturbation, self-acceptance, and low self-esteem. He surrounded me with some accountability partners that help me in my journey. It was during that time, I started to really focus on the areas within myself that I had been too afraid to confront. Rejection and abandonment were my too biggest issues. I had always dealt with the symptoms of my problems but not really addressed the root. I was not until I gave these areas to the Lord that I started to see myself how God views me. However, do not allow me to mislead you. This internal transformation did not happen overnight. I did not stop masturbating right away. There was a process. However, it was not until I started to see how my addiction started to affect my relationships with God that I knew I needed to make some serious changes if I wanted to be healed and whole completely. Today I still meet with my accountability partners on a weekly basis to discuss my progress and process. Today, I can confidently say, I do not need anyone to validate my self-worth. God has and still does call me beautiful. Simply put, I am enough!

Game Over Control Alt Delete (Poem)

Author Candi M. Marsh

Written in September 2012

Uhm…..okay so where do I began, I think I was 8 no 12, no 11, no I was 10.

Fourteen is when it all began. Fourteen is when my life and my identity had been taken over by sin. The sin of choice? Well it’s called “lust.” I ran track in high school so I left the Holy Spirit in the dust.

Fourteen, I said, is when it all began; when I became attracted to sin, or should I say it became attracted to me, I was young naïve I had not developed my inner beauty.

Not fond of my size, my skin or my face, when he said I was beautiful into his arms I embraced. All I wanted really was my “very first kiss” but I got so much more, the kissed it was nice, then he touched me “down there” I did not like it; it did not feel right.

I knew it was wrong but I was too scared to say anything, so I just played along. Ashamed of my actions; by what had just taken place I told no one because I felt like such a disgrace. I could not bear the look of disapproval on their face.

Brought up in the church how could I let this be? I am the holy Christian girl; you don’t do “those things.”

I keep my secret deep inside; nobody knew but the pain in my heart grew. The game never ended I kept playing along, I search deep inside myself trying to sing my song, Titled, “Can-di you can be free” but I guess there was a mix tape because I kept singing the sin song “lust lives inside of me.”

With each encounter I came across I played more and more; always thought I was doing good cause I never let them score.

I wore my celibacy ring proud, glad I did not lose my virginity, yet all the while I was losing my identity.

Masking my pain by doing well in school… all “A’s and no C’s;

I felt if I was “little miss goody two shoes,” no one would see the hurt inside of me.

If I appeared like I was fine, then no one would ask. It was oh so easy putting on the “mask.” “We wear the mask” like Paul Lawrence Dunbar would say; shoot this was easy I wore it all night and all day.

At the age of 21 the game had changed, I was raped by this older man; I don’t even remember his name.

I had my support from my friends, and my twin sister Brandi; but I never found the support inside of me.

I hated who I was and I didn’t want it to be; but I played the game so long I thought, “Hey this must be me”

I suppressed my feelings inside because I had become someone I hate; to the point, I just needed any encounter so I began to masturbate.

I felt like a drug addict; I had to have it, it was a need, a must, there was no escaping this drug of choice, what did I call it? Oh yea… lust!

This cycle repeated again, & again, continuously for years, to the point I stopped shedding tears.

This is when I became consumed with fear; oh my God what if I will never be free?!?! Will this spirit of lust always live inside of me?

I would tell my friends, trying to do the right thing. At this point in my life I knew it was important to have accountability.

I was tired of the lies! No more secrets! Time to be honest and speak the truth!

This was the only way I was going to make it through.

The truth will set you free. That’s what it says in the Word;

I wanted to soar in the sky; I wanted my voice to be heard.

I was doing good… I was feeling strong… I was finally feeling free;

But as soon as I would meet someone, out jumped that lust inside of me. Oh no not again, will this sin ever END!!

We fall down but we get up, for a saint is just a sinner who fell down, but got up. How many times must I fall Lord? Will I ever be free?

Or should I just stay on the ground, for this sin is beating me.

Defeated; cast down, but I knew I was not destroyed!

All I wanted was to join another Army so yep I enlisted so I would get deployed. So in the front line I stand with my internal wounds exposed! I die to my flesh, heart, mind body, and soul.

I am ready to be free; I need Jesus to take control.

Each day I stand on the front line dying daily to my flesh, each day I don’t sin, I am passing the test.

I am walking in purpose, I am soaring, & sailing the sea, this game is over press the keys end Ctrl- Alt-Delete. I am free!

 

 

Thank you Candi for sharing your story with us. I pray it will help others who struggle with the same things realize they are not alone and there is freedom in Christ! Follow her on Instagram to stay updated on her content.

Baskets of Blessings!

Nina D.

Nina Daugherty

Jesus, family, ministry, and lots of coffee! My heart comes from being a young teen girl who didn’t know much and found Jesus in a dark time. My ministry focuses on the heart of God for this generation to make Godly decisions especially in the area of purity. A blog for all ages because God’s Word is eternal and has no age limit!

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Nina Daugherty

Jesus, family, ministry, and lots of coffee! My heart comes from being a young teen girl who didn't know much and found Jesus in a dark time. My ministry focuses on the heart of God for this generation to make Godly decisions especially in the area of purity. A blog for all ages because God's Word is eternal and has no age limit! Read my testimony...

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Copyright © 2017 Nina Daugherty, www.teensexualpurity.com. All rights reserved worldwide. No part of this material presented may be reproduced or used in any type of manner whatsoever without the prior consent and written notice from the author, except what is agreed upon with full credit given to Nina Daugherty and website, complete with link back to this site. The author, affiliated guest authors, and publishers shall have no liability or responsibility to any entity or person. We hereby disclaim all liability including without limitation liability for any consequential damages regarding any claim of loss or damage that may have been incurred, including allegedly, either indirectly or directly, originating from any of the information provided in emails, ebooks, blogposts, books, or any form of intellectual property.

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Jesus, family, ministry, and lots of coffee! My heart comes from being a young teen girl who didn't know much and found Jesus in a dark time. My ministry focuses on the heart of God for this generation to make Godly decisions especially in the area of purity. A blog for all ages because God's Word is eternal and has no age limit! Read my testimony here...

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Copyright © 2017 Nina Daugherty, www.christianteendating.com. All rights reserved worldwide. No part of this material presented may be reproduced or used in any type of manner whatsoever without the prior consent and written notice from the author, except what is agreed upon with full credit given to Nina Daugherty and website, complete with link back to this site. The author, affiliated guest authors, and publishers shall have no liability or responsibility to any entity or person. We hereby disclaim all liability including without limitation liability for any consequential damages regarding any claim of loss or damage that may have been incurred, including allegedly, either indirectly or directly, originating from any of the information provided in emails, ebooks, blogposts, books, or any form of intellectual property.

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Happy Sunday! I pray we lift our voices to the hea Happy Sunday! I pray we lift our voices to the heavens and as we speak we will be reminded of Who God is, I pray every word will be a salve to our spirit, mind, body, and soul. I pray we will take time in His presence to be refreshed, renewed, and an anointing will fall fresh from heaven like manna to our souls. He hears us church! 🙌🏽🤗❤️🙏🏽✝️

Which of these scriptures do you feel more drawn to today? WRITE in the COMMENTS below 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽and let us rejoice together! 

#shewritestruth #christianblogger #christianwriter #christianauthor #christianwriters #authorlife  #devo #faithblogger #christianblog #gritandvirtue #proverbs31woman #lesshustlemoregrace #butfirstJesus #Biblestudy #womenoftheword #coffeeandJesus #powerofprayer #intheword #Biblestudymoments #devotional #seekHimfirst #shereadstruth #morningprayer #wellwateredwomen #womensbiblestudy #goodmorninggirls #readthroughtheBible #butfirstJesus   #womenlivingwell #verseoftheday
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I love baptisms. I love hearing God’s testimony. I love hearing what God continues to do. The night I got baptized, a family member confronted me in the driveway of my house and started yelling at me, “Who do you think you are? What makes you think you can get baptized? You are a fornicator!” And I was. I was sleeping with my boyfriend at the time and I hadn’t fully grasped my salvation and the choice to walk my Christian life out according to His Word. However, I didn’t die that day. Well physically anyway and from that point on my life started to drastically change. He met me where I was but He did take my hand and said walk with me. Walk away from that life. Walk away from that identity. Walk away from that pain. And walk I did and walk I still do.

If you haven’t already, if you’re on the fence, go get baptized. He calls us to it.

We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. (Rom. 6:4)

#baptismsunday #biblejournalinglife #biblememes #bibleoflove #biblequote365 #biblereadingplan
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God confirms what has been spoken. Doubt hits us, God confirms what has been spoken. Doubt hits us, sometimes we want to run, sometimes we are scared, but God is so gracious, He will send Godly people, dreams, sermons, and scripture to confirm.

It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it. 
(Isa. 55:11)

He is still the God Who speaks. If He’s silent, what’s the last thing He said to you? So many times I’ve tried to run from my calling, so many times I went to God with my disqualifications, so many times I was discouraged to the point of tears, so many times and still so many times..what about you?

God thank you for reminding us. We fight. We forget. You stay. You remind.

COMMENT BELOW: What are you running from? How can we pray for you?

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Throwbackkk Thursday..I found this in my Study Bib Throwbackkk Thursday..I found this in my Study Bible..I look at the names and I think about everyone I’ve done ministry with..the beautiful people I’ve laughed, cried, helped minister with, and made memories!

The different names the Youth Ministry went through..the different teens I’ve encountered, some of who are married and have kids 🙈🙊

Positive: I’ve seen God work through the lives of those who were “troubled” teens.

Negative: I’ve seen the enemy work through the lives of the “perfect” Christian teen.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. (2 Timothy 4:7)

The moral of the story is, it doesn’t matter how you start but how you finish. Many have fallen away and many have grown greatly in the Lord. I know I want to finish well and I pray the Lord will never leave me to my own desires, what hell that would be. He has been too good to leave for anything the world tries to give. It will NEVER satisfy like HE can and does.

2nd Pic: What teens were most interested in for topics for small groups

COMMENT BELOW what has God done in your life? SHARE what you’ve gained from following Jesus Christ👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽 

#womenoffaith #womenofgod #womenintheword #bedeeplyrooted #propelwomen #givemeJesus #faithinspired #christianwife #gracemakers #beautyfromashes #pursuitcommunity #thepointedlife #communityovercompetition #thecaptivatingwoman #devo #lampandlight #christianyouth #christiancreative #christiansofinstagram #christianteens #christianteen #youthministry #christianblogs #christianblog #christiangirls #dailydevotional #faithblogger #christiancreatives #christianyoutuber #christianyoutubers
I am not ashamed. I am not scared. God has done to I am not ashamed. I am not scared. God has done too much. He has saved me from a lot. He is too real. His love is overwhelming, satisfying, full, and complete.

And blessed is the one who is not offended by me. (Matt. 11:6)

If the Gospel is offensive, it’s to remove that which is not of Him. I don’t want to be complacent Lord. I don’t want to lack what You can give. I want to be better. 

I want to spend my life pointing to You because You give what people can’t, You give what money can’t, You are what people are looking for and will not find anywhere else. Not in the bedroom. Not in a job. Not in a human. Not in a post. Not in their crush. Not anywhere but at Your feet, oh Lord!

COMMENT below how He has made your life better even in 2020 so we can REJOICE together! 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽🙌🏽💪🏽👍🏽

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Where we are now and where we started (I flipped i Where we are now and where we started (I flipped it 🤣) In my dating history, I did many things wrong, but God..I should be dead somewhere with all my reckless behavior, but God..I thought no one would want me being the mess I was, but God..when you put your life in the hands of God and choose His ways instead of yours, His plan is always better.

This is why I stay preaching.

This is why I advocate for purity.

Purity still matters.

It’s hard to know if the person is a healthy match for you when you are tied to them in a sexual way. It binds you to them. It’s the reason why she won’t leave that person or he won’t leave that person. The bondage is strong.

But God.

Through Christ, Who strengthens you, “I  can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philip. 4:13) 

You can choose better. Do better. Leave for the better. Better is always CHRIST and what HE has for you.

In what ways has God proven to be better in your life? COMMENT below so we can rejoice together! 🙌🏽✝️💪🏽❤️

Motorcycle Pic 📸: @imthejam 

#shewritestruth #christianblogger #christianwriter #christianauthor #christianwriters #authorlife  #devo #faithblogger #christianblog #gritandvirtue #proverbs31woman #lesshustlemoregrace #butfirstJesus #Biblestudy #womenoftheword #coffeeandJesus #powerofprayer #intheword #Biblestudymoments #devotional #seekHimfirst #shereadstruth #morningprayer #wellwateredwomen #womensbiblestudy #goodmorninggirls #readthroughtheBible #butfirstJesus   #womenlivingwell #verseoftheday
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What does the Word of God say?

There are times when we are called to enter into battle with those things of the world that seek to steal, kill, and destroy but what happens when it starts to do it to ourselves?

Pause. Take a break. Rest warrior of God.

One way we can combat anxiety and anxious thoughts is to DWELL in the Word of God. Focus on this scripture today and press into the work of the Cross. 

Rest in His promises. There are many.

We can’t battle if we don’t have strength. We find strength in Him. Spend time with your King today and rest in His loving arms.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matt. 11:28-29)

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There’s been a lot of loss this year but I’ll There’s been a lot of loss this year but I’ll tell you what I’ve gained. Talking to Youth about Jesus Christ has been my passion and I’ve devoted the last 14 years of my life to it. This year I became the Youth Director at my home church of 15 years.

Be the person you needed when you were young.

I needed someone to believe in me. I needed someone to tell me about Jesus Christ. I needed someone to tell me I had options. Real ones. Like choosing life. I needed someone to look past the attitude and help me. I needed someone to listen. I needed someone to give me the space to talk in a safe and very real way. 

Can you be that for a teen in your life? Can we preach Jesus Christ like their life depends on it? Cuz it does and their eternity as well.

Great is the Lord! He is most worthy of praise! No one can measure his greatness. Let each generation tell its children of your mighty acts; let them proclaim your power.
(Psalm 145:3-4)

We have a Mighty God Who is still on the throne. I don’t apologize for my faith. I don’t apologize for my shout. I don’t apologize for my worship to the Lord because I still remember where He saved me from. I still remember when I was at my lowest, He bent low to whisper the words that gave me breath, “I want you.” 

I’m the most unlikely person to be “qualified” to do His work but when my Savior calls as difficult at times and as scary at times and as unknown at times, my answer is “Yes, Lord.” 

Yes, Lord.

How merciful You are.

How can I not give to others what You have given me?
 
Yes, Lord. I am Yours.

What have you said YES to even when it was challenging? Write your answer in the COMMENTS below and let’s praise God together👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽🙌🏽💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽

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What a relevant quote for today. There’s a lot h What a relevant quote for today. There’s a lot happening in the news and with my online ministry where I talk a lot about sexual purity, the questions often asked are, “Does God care about purity anymore?” “Isn’t this old-fashioned thinking?” “What does it matter?” Well let’s take a look at recent news with a famous Pastor..do you think it matters? To his wife? To his kids? To those witnesses? To the church?

Sin reverberates. 

Purity still matters.

It doesn’t stop when you’re married.

It’s not old-fashioned but God-fashioned.

Does it matter? Absolutely.

Stay in the Word of God. We are a forgetful people and we must be strengthened and reminded DAILY. 

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? (Jer. 17:9)

With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments! I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. (Psalm 119:10-11)

#biblefacts #biblejournalinglife #biblememes #bibleoflove #biblequote365 #biblereadingplan
#bibletalk #biblewords #holybibleapp
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Hi. I’m Nina. I’ve been a Christian Blogger si Hi. I’m Nina. I’ve been a Christian Blogger since 2012 and talk about sexual purity to teenagers. I became a Christian Youtuber in 2017 and now I’m a Youth Director at my church.

I love mugs like this one I got from @thedailygraceco ☕️☕️

I love autumn. I love being a Wife and Mom of 3 but most of all, I love Jesus Christ. I’m unapologetic about it because He saved me from an abusive relationship, from myself, and from more than I could ever know.

Welcome to my space. It’s a place where I bring truth and keep it real. Here’s to the rest of 2020 and how He will use us. For His glory! 🙌🏽✝️💪🏽❤️👍🏽

What has He done in your life that you’re grateful for? WRITE it in the COMMENTS below 👇🏽👇🏽😌🤗✝️

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