Bad Boy Syndrome: 7 Realizations You MUST Come To
Okay, so I know there is at least one “bad boy” you think is hot. You are probably smiling right now thinking about him and now laughing because you are caught! What is it about these “bad boys” ladies are drawn to? Is it the way they dress? How they look? How they talk? Is it the way they make you feel? Some of you may be in a relationship with a “bad boy” or are pursuing one. For more questions to ask yourself about choosing between a “bad boy” and a good guy, click here.
I remember having my share of this type of guy until the Lord opened my eyes. What was it about these guys who were rude, in trouble with the law, blatantly cheating, mistreating, playing, beating, the women in their lives and yet still had a line of women waiting for their turn? Even when a certain pop star got arrested for beating his pop star girlfriend, I still heard girls saying, “I would let him beat me. He’s so hot.” What?!
Here are a few realizations I had to come to and I pray this will help you break free:
1) You can’t change him– I believe this is a big one. We feel as ladies when someone changes for us it’s the biggest form of flattery. We feel a sense of power and pride, “He did it for me.” It goes back to the Garden of Eden wanting to be like God. However, only God can soften a person’s heart towards change. It’s not our job and can leave us wasting years on someone who will never do so.
2) This person became God to you– Somewhere along the lines, boundaries were crossed and God was replaced with this person. Relationships, friends, grades, activities, our personal morals and values, were all given up in the name of “love”. He became your everything. “You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3). Get your mind right!
3) It’s not confidence, it’s arrogance– We must not confuse one for the other (check the definitions down below). Being confident is an admirable and attractive quality. However, when it’s arrogance you will find yourself (if you haven’t already) in embarrassing situations where people you love are insulted.
Arrogance: Offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride. (dictionary.com, 2012).
Confidence: belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance. (dictionary.com, 2012).
4) Where did everybody go?- Healthy relationships draw people in and unhealthy relationship draw people out. Your closest friends and family may have tried to warn you about this “bad boy”. If you are like most girls, you might’ve not want to hear about it. Therefore, they have retreated because they can’t stand to see you hurt.
5) You deserve better– I’m sure you’ve heard this before but it’s true. It doesn’t matter how old you are. If you are in a relationship that is unhealthy, you can carry these effects into your future relationships and marriage. These effects can be anywhere from mistrust, insecurities, flight or fight reactions, or the inability to communicate feelings. Why put yourself or your future hubby through that?
6) Revenge– Sometimes to get back at our parents for unresolved issues we may turn to someone and turn them into the “payback”. You may choose someone your parents would completely freak out over just so you can feel compensated for any emotional or physical hurts. Again, involving yourself in an unhealthy relationship is not only a waste of time but can cause deeper wounds and won’t be a solution to the problem.
7) Where did your trust in God go?- You may think you can’t find anyone better. “Sure he may drink or gets high every once in a while but he’s a good person.” “Yeah, so what if he checks out a girl or has cheated on me before but he’s a guy right?” Wrong! God has the best person for you. You just need to trust in Him. He knows you better than you do. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” (Prov. 3:5).
My taste in certain men was so bad that I finally made a pact with God. I said, “Lord, I will know he is from You when You bring him to me. Until then, I won’t pursue anyone.” Of course there were times when I tried to bend the pact or make someone be the person God sent. After a couple more failed attempts, I finally, finally, FINALLY, let God be in control. He sent me my husband a couple of months later. I never knew what I needed or wanted until I was blessed to be his wife. Your time is coming. Just wait…
Baskets of Blessings!
Jesus, family, ministry, and lots of coffee! My heart comes from being a young teen girl who didn’t know much and found Jesus in a dark time. My ministry focuses on the heart of God for this generation to make Godly decisions especially in the area of purity. A blog for all ages because God’s Word is eternal and has no age limit!